bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I booty called her while she was in labor.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
