Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize