I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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