he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
