So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize