You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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