I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
