I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
