Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
