omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
