4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize