Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
