I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
oh god the rape fog is back!
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
