when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
