Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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