So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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