Christians are straight up FREAKS
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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