Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
