You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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