wake up i wanna do it froggy style
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
