now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
