What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
