she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize