I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
