she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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