Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
