Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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