She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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