We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize