dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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