508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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