obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize