tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize