who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
