I am spending my child support on dildos
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Are we still banned from the library?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
