If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
