I looked at my own cervix.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
porn star boner night. come get it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
