If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
just found out that she named her cat after me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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