We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
