When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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