She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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