Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
