i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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