if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
