so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
