Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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