oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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