you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
