Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
