watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
