Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
