Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
