I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
