I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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