I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
