My girlfriend figured out who you are.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
