Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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