every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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