paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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