After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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