OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize