yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
