my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think I have vodka in my lungs
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
