I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
