proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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