The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
