shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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