Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
