You just made me feel so damn special
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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