Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
