This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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