Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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