Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
accomplished twins. life is a go
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
