the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
