The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is it because I queefed?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
