Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize