Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
