they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
