Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
