Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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