when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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