So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
