are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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