dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
