Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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