I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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