why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize