**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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