Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize