I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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