Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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