I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
