is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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