Sry I called you an 8
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
