Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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