Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
