i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
