I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize