So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
