just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
