How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You're a waste of cheezeits
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
