My Higher Power is John Stamos
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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