I wish you could order shots online.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize