Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
