At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
3pm strippers are depressing
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
