thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
