I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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