Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
