Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize