This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
