he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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