Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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