a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
