I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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