Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
