I think i peed on brittanys purse
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
