I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
