i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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