i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
