omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
