she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
