I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
