There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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