she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Mom said you looked used
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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