i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
